The Zodiac Interview

Posted: August 8, 2013 in Monday Meme
Tags: , , , , ,

[From the August issue of False Prediction Quarterly.  In this issue’s feature article, several prominent fashion bloggers, including web-godess Strawberry Singh, were interviewed about their astrological beliefs by wandering barfly and freelance reporter Roderick Van Kirkenov.]

I suppose I have time for a few questions.

I suppose I have time for a few questions.

I interrupted Emily Marik, blogger of Time Well Wasted, while she was scouring *Finishing Touchs* for the elusive hunt-prim in the bleeping bunny hunt.  As always, the vivacious young blogger was tricky to identify as she was sporting yet another different look.  Nevertheless, I talked her into pulling up a couch and letting me ask her a few insightful questions about her relationship with the stars.

I: Hey baby, what’s your sign?

EM: That’s a horrible excuse for a pick-up line, never mind for an interview question.

I: No, it’s a cliche because it’s a classic icebreaker.  Seriously, what is your birthday and what is your astrological sign?

EM: In second life, that is a really tricky question to answer.  Is my astrological sign determined by my rez-day, or by the birthday of my firsty?  I would say that since I rezzed on May 17th, I am a Taurus.  And if you make any of the obvious puns about bull, this interview is over and I am leaving.

I: And do you believe in or follow astrology?

EM: That’s a really difficult question to answer, and I’m not sure where to start.

I: Well, just take the bull by the horns-

At this point, Emily jumped to her feet and gave me a look best described as an evil death glare.  “What did I tell you?” she snapped as she disappeared in a cloud of sparkles and green smoke.  A lesser reporter would have written this off as an unsuccessful interview, but I’m more intrepid than that.  Checking with sources at the evil bunny hunting club, I determined that sooner or later Emily would continue on to Fierce Designs, and all I needed to do was lay in wait.  The important thing was a question that Emily would want to answer, one that would reengage her in the interview process before she could flee again.  Again demonstrating my intrepidness, I had just the question ready when she teleported in at the Fierce Designs landmark…

I: Wow, that top looks fantastic!  Where did you get it?

That top REALLY does look fantastic!

That top REALLY does look fantastic!

EM: Oh, I just picked this up from EgoxentriKax the other day.  It’s a great color, it comes with Tango Appliers, and best of all, it was a dollarbie so the price was awesome!

I: That is a good price.  

EM: And it goes really well with these black jeans.  I should give them a mention because they are from *PB* Designs, one of my sponsors, and I am never too proud to make a blatant plug!  My shoes, some simple heels in a cute zebra pattern, are also from *PB*.

I: Any other designers you want to promote while we’re on the subject?

EM: I should probably give shouts out to WoW Skins for the Amar milk skin, to Calla for their ‘I’m so Preddy’ series of hair, (worn today in mocha), and to Blue Blood for providing the Dolly style makeup I’m wearing.

I:  Well, if we can get back on subject, why did you feel it was a difficult question whether you believe and follow astrology?

EM: Well, there isn’t anything difficult about whether I follow astrology.  I don’t, and I’m prone to be bit judgmental of those who do.  After all, even if astrology is valid, an individual astrologer is likely to be a fake or a charlatan and mass-market predictions are so vague as to be useless and intended only for entertainment.  I find the premise of astrology, that there is some sort of causal relationship between the position of the stars at the moment of birth and a person’s personality, to be silly at best and possibly offensive at worst.  I certainly reject the notion that an accident of timing could override free will.  On the other hand, “There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio, Than are dreamt of in your philosophy.”  I cannot claim to fully understand how and why the universe is what it is, and I’ve seen enough anecdotal evidence of a correlation between astrological signs and personalities that it is hard to completely dismiss out of hand also.

I: A correlation?  So you feel your sign’s attributes reflect who you are?

EM: I don’t know.  Supposedly a Taurus woman is going to be persistent to the point of stubbornness – I’ll say ‘bull-headed’ so you don’t have to- flirty, concerned with her fashion and appearance, loyal, and moderately introverted.  All of these describe me, and I’m more into shopping and appearance than my firsty would ever have imagined I would be, so maybe that is the Taurus influence.  On the other hand, Taurus women are also supposed to be back-to-nature types who are very practical and budget-oriented.  I wish that was me, but it isn’t and isn’t likely ever to be me.  Ultimately, I don’t think I fit well into any of the twelve zodiac boxes, I think I just am what I am.

I: So have you or your ‘firsty’ as you call him ever been to visit a psychic or astrologer?

EM: Nope.  Although my firsty did teach himself how to read Tarot cards on a whim.  Not to divine the future per se, but to understand how the game is run.  It is a game.  All the standard Tarot formats start with one or more cards to describe the ‘mark’ and his/her current situation.  These are essentially to help the Tarot reader do a cold reading on what the mark wants to learn about and wants to hear.  Furthermore, the future is usually presented as a choice, an if-then fork, so that whatever happens is still within the predicted future.  For example, “If you demonstrate your courage to your boss, you will get the overseas promotion.”  If they don’t get the promotion, it isn’t a faulty reading, it’s just that they didn’t demonstrate enough courage.  On the other hand, the Tarot reading also can get you ‘unstuck’; if you’ve been worrying an issue for too long, you’ve likely started to run your thoughts into a certain rut.  The tarot reading gives you a new perspective, a new path that helps avoid the rut.  So it’s a kind of cool skill to have.

I: So, do you read your horoscope daily and try to follow any advice, recommendations or warnings it may have for you that day?

EM: Oh, HELL no!  A true horoscope from an actual astrologer might- emphasize, underscore, capitalize- MIGHT have some validity.  I’m ambivalent, I admit it.  But the pap from a newspaper or magazine- other than your own False Prediction Quarterly, I’m sure- bears the same relationship to that horoscope that canned dog food bears to five-star cuisine or that a preschool t-ball game bears to the World Series.  Garbage in and garbage out.

I: So before we wrap up, do you have any strong feelings or thoughts about astrology you wish to share?

EM: Only this: never, ever, ever, walk up to a girl and ask her what her sign is.  Start a real conversation, instead.  We’ll be happier, and you’ll probably get farther as well.  Just sayin’!

By this point in the conversation, we had reached [RUBY], the next stop in Emily’s hunting so she let me take one more picture and then we parted ways amicably.  I checked a few star charts and then predicted that we would meet again.

Th-th-that's all, folks!

Th-th-that’s all, folks!

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Comments
  1. hahaha very creatively done!

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