Heavy Thoughts and a Light Heart

Posted: August 10, 2014 in Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , , ,
So cute, I'm dangerous!

So cute, I’m dangerous!

WHAT I’M WEARING: My thoughts may be heavy and ponderous today- or it may be a touch of indigestion, with me you can never know- so I tried to quickly grab a cute style card to help offset that…

  • Shape: Teen Katie (week 23) by Cukabebe
  • Skin: ‘Timeless Doll’ by Ash’s Trash.
  • Tattoos: Bad Girl by -UtopiaH-
  • Hair: Kail by Plastik, actually mer-man hair, but I’ve worn it for a short cut in the past.  I like the dark green color.
  • Outfit: Audacious by Virtual Attire (this outfit includes the fedora, neko parts, collar, bangles, etc.)
  • Jewelry: Rimless Glasses freebie and Nose ring, both source unknown.  ‘I’m hot’ Necklace from Grumble, Grumble.
  • Pose: Mila 2 from Purple Poses
Wow!  Finding a mad scientist's castle is a great place to pose!

Wow! Finding a mad scientist’s castle is a great place to pose!

WHERE I’M AT:  I found some victorian/steam-punk/wintery type sim to explore in the Mountain Tops Enchanted Forest.  Again, I just wanted something easy and interesting because my mind is a little abstracted today.  I’m in a good mood, fear not on that account, but a couple things have got me trying to sort out some of the so-called big picture.  And really, my awareness of the big picture is sometimes best summed up as, “Yep, it’s pretty big.”

OK, Maybe a mad scientist's castle isn't such a great place to pose for pictures….

OK, Maybe a mad scientist’s castle isn’t such a great place to pose for pictures….

WHAT’S ON MY MIND: Everything and nothing.  A recent post by wonderfully gifted blogger Little Cao, aka Caoimhe Lionheart, aka Go read her blog NOW!, and some comment we exchanged back and forth has me thinking about what are my passions, what is it that I love, and how do what I love and what I do intersect.

I’ve had a rough week or so waitressing… the hours actually haven’t been as bad as usual, and the money has still been there, but my patience is gone.  Normally I love my work, enjoy my customers, and if I do get irritated, it is with coworkers and management and soon passes.  This past week, everyone- customers, coworkers, and bosses alike- has been on my last nerve.  When my patience is this strained, it is usually a sign that I’m sick or that I’m exhausted or some thing similar, and I need to take care of physical me so that mental/emotional me isn’t being pulled out of kilter.  I can’t figure out anything that would be at root for this bout of impatience.

I recently finished ‘The Storybook of Legends’ by Shannon Hale.  It was an awesome, awesome read.  Aimed at younger readers, so it was easy to breeze through, but all sorts of theme about free will and destiny and choice so it also suited my current inclination to ponder and mull heavy thoughts.

I’ve also been thinking about what I think of as the three modes of brain activity: Proactive, Reactive, and Inactive.   ‘Active’ in this case doesn’t refer to how much energy is being used or how much thought is occurring, but to the method and manner in which my thought life is engaged with living.  Between ADD and natural inclination, Reactive is definitely my default mode: living in the moment, reacting to events around me, leaving my goals somewhat undefined and zigging and zagging towards them.  Proactive is what I think of as the highest thought pattern- brain fully engaged, defining goals and strategizing how to obtain them, forward planning, and finding the shorter, straighter routes towards objectives.  My goal is to strengthen my brain, to spend more time in Proactive mode, but proactive mode is also exhausting.  Inactive is a little bit of a misnomer.  When the brain is inactive and resting, that is inactive mode.  But if I’m not engaged in my life, but I’m letting my mind go all squirrelly and jitter bug about some detail that doesn’t matter while tuning out awareness of the world around me, I still class that as ‘inactive mode’ even though it is an unhealthy version of inactive mode.  (If you apply a metaphor and compare thought life to a physical movement, Proactive Mode is like a marathon or a track and field event, pushing the physical body to get to your destination.  Reactive Mode is more like a nature hike, there is a destination being sought, but lots of little stops to see things and zigs and zags to momentary destinations.  Inactive mode is simply staying in place, which could be catching a breather, but could also be running full out on a treadmill, which neither rests you nor gets you anywhere.)  Ideally, I want to use each thought mode in its proper place: proactively making goals for myself and figuring out my life strategies, reactively dealing with the unexpected and with daily uncertainty in ways that are in line with what I have already proactively thought out, and finding time to go inactive and rest to recharge my mental batteries.  As an ADD kid, I have deal with the fact that Proactive mode is an act of mental exertion that requires a push to enter and sustain and the fact that once I enter Inactive Mode, healthy or unhealthy, I can forget to come back out.  Countering that, however, is the fact that I am damn good at Reactive mode.  ADD isn’t truly a disorder, per se.  However, my mind is hard wired to work in certain ways, some of which are sometimes helpful and some of which make life more difficult, and I’m still trying to figure out how to achieve goals that involve working against or around my own mind.

Ve must always look to the mutter ind to the mind…

Ve must always look to the mutter und to the mind…

WHAT’S ON MY RADIO:  Since I found a victorian, steam-punk sort of sim, how about some victorian, steam-punk sort of music?  Two songs I recently heard for the first time off internet radio were Mr. Steph(V)enson by the Men That Will Not Be Blamed for Nothing and Coin Operated Boy by the Dresden Dolls.  Both definitely eccentric but cute tunes.


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