Some Days This Stuff Writes Itself…

Posted: November 1, 2014 in Uncategorized
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A quick prayer of thanks before I begin:

Our father, who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name.  Thank you, O Lord, for the gift of free will.  I’ve always appreciated it because I am independent, probably overly so, and I have cherished the opportunity to learn who you are and to discover my place in your plans.  Even though it borders on the sin of Pride, I view our relationship as a partnership, and I am so thankful that you have entrusted me with some of the control in that partnership and hope I will always live my life and touch the lives around me in a way that makes me worthy of that trust.  This week, as a writer, I’ve seen a new value of free will.  The risk of free will is that sometimes it will be misused, that some people will make decisions that are selfish, evil, or just down right stupid.  Thank you, O Lord, for allowing stupid people to touch my life, for it guarantees I will always have something to write about…

Who can forget Haley Joel Osment in the Sixth Sense?  “I see dead people.”  Ever since I saw that movie, I occasionally hear the whisper in my mind of “I see dumb people.”  Most recent case in point occurred at work a few evenings ago.  There had been a car wreck with fatalities near by, and police had closed the intersection, so Giovanni’s had been dead.  We had already cut down to just the closer, and Cheri and I were back in the break room rolling the last of the silverware.  Mackenzie, one of the recent spate of newbies, had already finished her outs and clocked out, but since she planned on doing the bar circuit with Cheri she was hanging out and chit-chatting about some of her other friends.

I may be a devil, but my baby will be a precious angel...

I may be a devil, but my baby will be a precious angel…

I’ll begin by laying out some background which I gleaned from the beginning of the conversation.  Mackenzie has a boy toy, fuck-buddy, friend with benefits, call-him-what-you-will named Don.  From context, it appears Mackenzie and Don have been friends for a long time in a casual way, and that they’ve had benefits for at least a few years.  Mackenzie, at least, has no interest in stepping it up to an actual capital-R ‘Relationship’ because neither has a particularly good track record at dating and she doesn’t want to lose whatever-it-is they do have when the Relationship eventually ends badly.  She implied that Don feels the same way, but I figure it’s a coin flip whether Don really does feel the same way or is telling her what she wants to hear so he doesn’t lose out on his benefits package.  Particularly since Don is looking to have a capital-R Relationship with someone, although he also wants to keep his benefits on the side with Mackenzie.

The one that closed the intersection was apparently not the only car wreck in the area that night.  Particularly as Mackenzie metaphorically lined the next car up and severed its brake lines.  Don wants a relationship, but wants Mackenzie benefits as well.  So Don has been nosing around Mackenzie’s friends for his potential relationship, because they believe Mackenzie’s friends are less likely to question the time the two of them spend together.  Check me on the logic here.  If you plan to cheat on your new girlfriend, it’s going to be somehow better if you cheat on her with one of her friends than if you cheat on her with someone she doesn’t know?

Boldly not-charging because there are places where angels fear to tread...

Boldly not-charging because there are places where angels fear to tread…

Oh, and let’s line up one more car.  Mackenzie has a friend named Lindsay.  Lindsay is in her mid twenties, single, and has five different children by three different daddies.  According to Mackenzie, Lindsay is ‘like my best friend since way back’, but is also ‘lazy’, ‘skanky’, ‘definitely not all that to look at’, and ‘yeah, sure, I’ve got some stomach pooch but she has actual belly-hang’.  (If this is how she talks about her ‘best friend’, I’d hate to hear how she talks about people she doesn’t like…)  Nevertheless, Don has begun sniffing around Lindsay.  And Lindsay reciprocates and is sniffing around Don.  And since she knows Don and Mackenzie are friends, but doesn’t know about the benefits package, Lindsay is asking Mackenzie for relationship advice.  Oh, yeah, cue the sounds of blaring horns and smashing windshields; we have impact!

The specific relationship advice Lindsay needs?  Apparently Lindsay has herpes.  And she’s asking Mackenzie if she should tell Don about being raddled with S.T.D. before they have a chance to share them.  And she doesn’t know that Don and Mackenzie are fuck-buddies, which makes this even more priceless.  So Mackenzie was asking Cheri for advice on how to handle Lindsay asking Mackenzie for advice.  She wants to actively sabotage Don and Lindsay from hooking up, because she would rather not win her very own case of herpes.  (“Act now, and you may get a bonus case of Chlamydia!”)  On the other hand, she doesn’t want Lindsay to learn that she is the saboteur, because friendship is much more likely to survive betrayal if the friend doesn’t know about it.  The situation is sufficiently convoluted Mackenzie doesn’t see a clear moral imperative to tell her what to do.  (Allow me one moment of cattiness, however, so I can state I’m pretty sure Mackenzie doesn’t choose her actions by moral imperative.)  Rather she knows what she wants- to continue to have a benefits package- and is trying to rationalize a way she can get what she wants and tell herself that she is not doing anything wrong.  She told Cheri she had already tried hinting about the situation to Don, creating a hypothetical where one of Don’s guy-friends intimated to Don that he was interested in Mackenzie but had an STD.  Don’s answer, “I’d just tell my buddy to be sure he wore a condom,” didn’t provide Mackenzie with the justification she wanted.  She wanted him to say he would put informing her before maintaining another friend’s secret so she could feel right about airing Lindsay’s laundry.  On the other hand, my opinion that this is a fiasco in the making and that Lindsay, Don, and Mackenzie all deserve each other was underscored by Don’s ignorance of the limitations of a latex sleeve.

"…Go Team Stupid!  The life you wreck may be your own!"

“…Go Team Stupid! The life you wreck may be your own!”

I thought I had a fairly enlightened, even liberal, attitude towards sex.  I don’t believe my religious faith means that all sex is wrong, or even that all sex outside of a very narrow definition of acceptable sex is wrong.  I do believe God’s definition of ‘good’ sex is very narrow, that God not only commands us to avoid sex that could damage the relationships we form with those around us, but also to avoid sex that delivers less of God’s bounty than the good stuff.  I first saw the idea of applying Gresham’s Law, an economic theory that says bad money will drive good money out of circulation, to love and romance in the writings of Christopher Stasheff.  A quick google search found this excellent treatment of the same idea by Davis Aurini.  I think having sex too soon, too casually, both makes it harder to find the right relationship where your sex will be the ‘good stuff’ and also causes you build up a ‘sex tolerance’ where you cannot get the full benefit of the good stuff if you do find it.  And yet, sex feels good; it’s great exercise; it offers the illusion and image of the intimacy of a real Capital-R Relationship.  Metaphorically, Godly sex is a perfectly seasoned, perfectly cooked, prime ribeye steak.  Casual sex is hamburger, the dirty and sometimes unsafe remains of what has been tossed through the grinder.  Obviously I would prefer to have the ribeye; what person in their right mind wouldn’t?  But let’s get real.  When ribeye isn’t on the menu, very few things can make my mouth water and my eyes light up like a nice, juicy cheeseburger.  I’ve had casual sex, and if I’m being bluntly honest, I wish I had more.  I think God is more likely to pity me than punish me: I’m risking that I’ll never find that right relationship or that I’ll damage myself enough that the right relationship won’t be as right as it should be if I ever do find it.  The religious precepts I’ve broken weren’t threats of retribution but warnings of danger, and yet like a stupid (or horny) moth, I keep returning to singe myself on the same damn flame.  And since I know I’m such a mess, I cannot in good faith judge others for their sexual peccadillos, as long as those sins do no harm to the relationships involved.  As I said, a pretty liberal and relaxed attitude towards sexual morality.

And yet, and yet, and yet.  I cannot help but be appalled by the conversation that unfolded before me.  Fortunately Mackenzie was either too new or too oblivious to notice the disdain that must have leaked into my expression and Cheri, who did notice, allowed me to blow off her question with out actually answering.  I’ve never actually had ‘friends with benefits’ sex in my life, and that used to be one of my regrets.  One-night stand sex is about self gratification and chasing the mighty O; at my most cynical, it is making another person your masturbation aid.  Relationship sex is about non-verbal communication between you and your partner; it’s tender and passionate and incredible, but also kind of ponderous and heavy.  I always thought and hoped ‘friends with benefits’ sex would kind of split the difference, be something playful and fun, the chance to experiment with certain silly kinds of kink, like dress-up and role-play, that don’t easily come into the conversation of a more significant relationship.  Mackenzie’s metaphorical car wreck may or may not be the reason I changed my mind, but it was at minimum the catalyst that made me realize ‘friends with benefit’ sex is no longer in my bucket list.  The sex itself may be some perfectly acceptable cheeseburger, but those relationships are damaged and broken beyond anything I could imagine and they don’t even know it.  I feel like I’m a little bit dumber just for having heard the conversation, and yet I also want to know how the whole story is going to unfold, because the portion I heard is only act one or two.  I feel bad laying out what I heard and leaving you hanging as to how it resolves, but I’m just as left hanging.  The writer in me salivated over this disaster, and continues to poke and prod it within my mind.  On one hand, I feel like the characters need be to seriously reworked, because as is I have trouble with suspension of disbelief (I’m not making this up, and I still cannot believe anyone could be this much of a car wreck) and with choosing a sympathetic protagonist (because I don’t see any of the three as someone with whom a reader would want to identify).  On the other hand, if you could figure out a way to get plausibly get someone likable into this much of a mess, you would definitely have readers rooting for them to get their shit together…

Time to take a picture of my favorite person!

Time to take a picture of my favorite person!

And in a completely blatant change of topic, I do not have my shit together until I report a style card for todays post.  Halloween was still upcoming when I wrote most of the meat for this post, and I wanted a semi-halloween-ish look without putting my pregnancy aside, so I grabbed an off-color skin and some ears and wings and, well, you can see..

  • Shape: Teen Katie (wk 34) by Cukabebe
  • Skin: Pinkie Pie by Niekra’s Dreams
  • Tattoo: Bad Girl by -UtopiaH-
  • Hair: Knot- Dark Red (source unknown freebie)
  • Outfit: Tuxedo Dress by Envious.  This sexy black and white dress was a bit tight on my tummy, but very flattering.  The outfit included the heels, fishnet, black choker, and highly pierced elven ears (with color change HUD so the ears can match whatever skin you use)
  • Those last few touches: My nose ring and my black feathery wings were both source unknown freebies.

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