Sober Lullabies

Posted: December 16, 2014 in Uncategorized
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That post title is a great excuse to link to this video by Flogging Molly.

Music is important to me, so I want baby & I to share good musical taste...

Music is important to me, so I want baby & I to share good musical taste…

My dad came by to visit the other day and caught me singing a lullaby to PJ.  It was simply Rock-a-By Baby, but I specifically changed the lyrics since I don’t really think a song about baby and her cradle crashing out of the tree is a reassuring put-baby-to-sleep sort of song.  I changed it the first time off the cuff, and I liked it so I made a mental note to recycle my version as permanent lyrics.  Dad also liked it, and encouraged me to share my lyrics.

Rock-a-bye Piper, here in my arms

Mommy will keep you safe from all harm

You’re going to grow up, so big and so strong.

I’m going to love you, all your life long.

Is anyone going to sleep in this picture?  Sadly, no.

Is anyone going to sleep in this picture? Sadly, no.

Dad also brought me a gift.  The roughest thing about single motherhood is the fact that little Piper Jo doesn’t believe in sleep schedules and I have no one to pass her off to.  Back when I dated Jeremy, he had all sorts of semi-witty aphorisms about why parenting was a two-player sport, which I mostly blew off because I wasn’t ever going to be a mother.  Cue some sort of ironic dirge for the my soundtrack there.  An aphorism Jeremy missed was that parents come in pairs so that one can sleep while the other has the baby.  As a single mom, I’m always the one with the baby, never the one that sleeps.  As a result, I’m a little frazzled, and my sense of humor and patience have both worn somewhat thin.  The giveaway was when I caught myself asking Piper, in that super-cheery baby talk tone that was nails-on-a-blackboard to my pre-Piper sensibilities, “Widdle baby doesn’t let mommy sleep, because she hates mommy and likes to see her cry, doesn’t she?”

Now, I’ll admit I really have no idea what goes on in a baby’s head.  At some point, I know, Piper is supposed to figure out that she and I have a connection that is different from her relationship with the other random big people that infest her world.  Early on there are all kinds of intuitive and emotional ramifications to the general concept of Mommy.  As PJ ages, matures, and enters verbal, intellectual, rational thought, she will begin to deal with specifics, both relating to me as I wear roles other than ‘Mommy’ and dealing with the fact that her specific mommy- me- doesn’t always match up to the generalized abstract mommy.  Eventually she will have extensive and expensive therapy to help handle this.  This early in Piper’s development, however, I’m not really sure if PJ knows I’m her mother or has just noticed I’m the most frequently present big person in her world or if she even differentiates between me and any other big people around.  Given how young she is and the classical view of object permanence, I’m not even sure if she knows I exist when I’m not around her.  I know I have more separation anxiety than she does.  So it was only frustration and a rather dark sense of humor that made me joke about PJ torturing me with sleep deprivation.

What I love about my dad is that he shares my dark sense of humor.  (OK, technically he had it first, so I share his dark sense of humor.)  Like me, he may not always have the right words for emotional/feel-good stuff, but he is affectionate in his own morbid way.  He knew I was at the end of my rope, and brought me a book that reminded me I am not alone in having a child who sleeps according to her needs, not mine, and that it’s okay to feel stressed as long as I can still find the ability to laugh.  I don’t think I’ll ever read this book to PJ, but I’ve smiled and thought of her each time I’ve reread it.  (Several times, so far…)  One writer to another, I seriously admire Adam Mansbach for this creation…

Sheer writing genius and oh-so relevant!

Sheer writing genius and oh-so relevant!

Oh, and one last note before I finish.  My outfit for today’s post is Band Groupie (Avenged Sevenfold edition) from AR Music Co.  It’s a complete outfit- mesh tank-top, mesh mini skirt, fishnet gloves, leg tape.  It also came with boots, although I preferred a pair of my comfortably broken in Prozak kicks.  My razor wire bangle from Grumble, Grumble and the “Vaded” necklace and piercings from ellabella added some extra toughness to the outfit.  My skin was Angelina (shade 04) from Mr. Bloch and the hair and shape were freebies.

  1. Well if it becomes too much you can always let her spend the night with her Aunty Cao! :*

  2. […] wonderful Second Life blogger, who cheerfully volunteered to watch Piper when she commented on my ‘Sober Lullabies’ post.  Given the most famous Lionheart of history was Richard the Lionhearted, 12th century […]

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