Super Bored, XLIX

Posted: February 10, 2015 in Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , ,

My attitude towards the Super Bowl as a child was one of mild indifference.  Over the years, I have accumulated more disdain and irritation, usually over trivial aspects of the experience, that I am now strongly annoyed with the Super Bowl.  Plus, I’m shallow about some things.  I may not care about football, but I would cheerfully go to a party, nurse a glass or two of moscato, and kibitz over the commercials.  Heck, substitute bottles of formula for glasses of moscato, and that’s exactly where Piper will be, hanging out with my dad and some other old cops in one of his crony’s basement man-cave.  Whereas I will be trapped at work, away from my baby girl.  And because of the game, there will not be enough customers in Giovanni’s to justify my presence there or pay my bills.

Plus I’m sure I will get into a rehash of my argument with Steven from last year.  Argument may be the wrong word, because that implies something with more substance or heat than what we had.  I think Steven is making a bad judgement call, but I’m not in any position to influence his judgement call.  If I express myself strongly enough, I can offend him (which is what I did last year) but I’m still ‘only a server’ and ‘only a girl’ and ‘don’t even have a degree’ so I obviously have no understanding to contribute to the decision.

Cheerleading outfit by Pink Passions Designs.

Cheerleading outfit by Pink Passions Designs.

Giovanni’s is casual family dining.  Think the same rough niche as TGI Friday’s or Applebee’s or O’Charley’s and you’ve got the idea.  We also, by word of mouth and by having good food, have built up a huge carryout business.  We aren’t a true sports bar, but we have some decent televisions and some sports memorabilia on our walls.  For a big game like the Super Bowl or the college championship earlier this year, we aren’t the destination.  People generally go to a friend’s party, such as my dad and his cronies and Piper hanging out in the man-cave, or to a true sports bar with a super large TV and pitchers of draft beer.  Giovanni’s will do good carryout business leading up to the game- particularly pizzas, meatballs, and lasagna trays.

HH Cheerleader.  Outfit by Jezabeth Poutine.

HH Cheerleader. Outfit by Jezabeth Poutine.

So the numbers, particularly in the dining room, don’t justify staying open for the entire game.  Jonas and Steven particularly don’t want to have a half-dozen employees standing around waiting for a handful of ‘football widows’ to finish their wines and go home so they can finish shutting down and cleaning Giovanni’s, which has happened before.  On the other hand, they also don’t want to turn away a large party if some of our regulars do decide we would be a good place to watch the game, or miss out on any large carryout orders.  So last year, and probably again this year, the plan was to ‘play it by ear’ and close early if or when we died down.  I’m not opposed to closing early, particularly since I don’t anticipate my income earning any sort of championship ring.  I’m terribly opposed to ‘playing it by ear’ however.  Our regulars know us, and our quirks as a restaurant.  Servers have been talking about closing early, but not sure when, for over a week.  The business Jonas and Steve want- the bigger orders- plans ahead.  If you are meeting, for example, a bunch of college buddies to get a solid food base in your bellies to soak up the keg of P.B.R. Ronnie bought, you all meet someplace you know will be open, not someplace you hope will be open.  Likewise, if the whole clan has gathered at Uncle Joe’s to watch the game, and you are polling all the cousins on what to order, the process is a: pick the restaurant, b: gather the order, c: call and place the order.  Nobody wants to write down all the cousins’ orders, call and learn that Giovanni’s already closed up, and have to go take new orders to call in to Friday’s or Papa John’s, particularly if they can save themselves some bother by just starting with the Plan-B restaurant.  Therefore, unless we bite the bullet by just committing to a particular time, the only business we get will be the ‘odds and sods’, the handful of small tables that the bosses feel isn’t worth staying open for…

Part II: Well, no argument this year.  Steve may not have acknowledged I was right last year, but he must have agreed with my logic.  Joe greeted me as I clocked in with the news we were going to stop taking carryout orders fifteen minutes before kickoff and lock the dining room doors at kickoff.  I still would have preferred if the decision had been made earlier and a sign put on the door to notify customers, but at least the staff was informed so I wouldn’t have a repeat of last year’s awkward conversation: ‘When do you close tonight?’; ‘I think management was discussing closing at half-time; please hold while I double-check.’; ‘Oh, I’m sorry, sir; apparently we closed ten minutes ago but nobody told me.’  Not a shining moment.  No awkward phone calls and I got out in time to hold my baby for the second half.  I’ll consider that an argument won.

Rocky Valley Bears Cheer Squad.  By Kieli.

Rocky Valley Bears Cheer Squad. By Kieli.

A few other thoughts about why I was Super-Bored by the Super Bowl…

I’m a very lukewarm Browns fan, mostly because I grew up in a Browns-fan household.  Since their only post season appearance in the last two decades was a one-and-done back in 2002, I just have no skin in the game for playoffs or the Super Bowl.

An RLV cheer uniform from Dolly Dreams.  (Includes locking timer.  Fair warning.)

An RLV cheer uniform from Dolly Dreams. (Includes locking timer. Fair warning.)

I’m also sick of so-called ‘Deflate-gate’.  I just don’t want to hear any more about Tom Brady’s balls unless they are slapping against my chin.  (Since Tom Brady is gorgeous, I am in favor of the idea; if Gisele ever needs an understudy, I’m more than willing to peel Tom out of his uniform and let him go forth and long until he scores with my tight end.  I am flexible, however.  If it’s Tom who needs a second-string, I will show Gisele a few secrets Victoria never knew while we put the linger into lingerie…)

Everybody loves a winner.  Patriots cheer squad by Game Day.

Everybody loves a winner. Patriots cheer squad by Dead Dolls House.

Why was it Super Bowl XLIX anyway?  Why not Super Bowl IL?  And does it really make sense that next year, to celebrate the fact that it is the 50th Super Bowl, the NFL has decided to use Arabic Numerals for one year only, having Super Bowl 50 instead of Super Bowl L before returning to Super Bowl LI to end the 2016 football season?

Not that losers aren't also beloved.  Seahawks cheer squad by Wolfie's Designs

Not that losers aren’t also beloved. Seahawks cheer squad by Wolfie’s Designs.

Oh, and another example of Murphy’s law coming home to roost.  I’ve already admitted I didn’t care about the actual football game between Seattle and New England.  I was actually curious about the half-time show.  I’m not really a Katy Perry fan.  Although she has a few catchy songs that managed to catch me (I keep both Hot N Cold and Last Friday Night on my player, and frequently in my playlist…), they are the exceptions rather than the rule.  Katy Perry is generally reason to change the station on the radio.  On the other hand, I love to see her on TV, since every time I see her she has a brand new look.  (Hmm, who else do I know with that sort of fickle loveliness?)  I would have been willing to watch her on mute, but I wanted to see the outfits and hair she was going to have in the half-time show.  So of course, I got out the door of Giovanni’s just before the second quarter ended, and arrived at my dad’s crony’s man-cave to get Piper as the half-time show was over and the talking heads were talking while the field was cleared.  I watched the first half of the game I didn’t care about at work, the second half of the game I didn’t care about with a bunch of middle aged police officers, and missed the only part of the whole shebang that I was actually curious to see.  F— you, too, Murphy!

In general, the cheerleaders- beautiful, underpaid models in revealing outfits- are my favorite part of a football game, so in their honor, I decided to model a handful of cheerleader costumes in my Superbowl post.  I already had a number of them- for someone so lukewarm about football, I really, really dig the cheerleader fantasy.  (Possibly because so many quarterbacks are handsome guys… Tom, I was serious.  You are amazingly gorgeous, so if Gisele needs a night off, or just wants to stay home with the kids to play mommy, give me a call…)  Anyway you slice it, it’s time to put the pigskin away and start complaining about how I don’t want to watch basketball either…

The march towards madness.  Basketball outfit from Ash's Trash.

The march towards madness. Basketball outfit from Ash’s Trash.


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